Who’s Too Old For a Rap Concert: Part 2

30 Aug

The first act of the night was Brothers From Another and here is where I admit my ignorance: I don’t really know when the group started playing. The DJ was onstage playing records and trying to get the crowd to “put their hands in the air.” He would prance around for a little bit and then grab the mic and give some instructions like he was an aerobics instructor in a bad outfit. I could not get past his hat. It was a blue camouflage canvas hat shaped like the one Gilligan wore on his island. It is the type of hat that I cannot take seriously. Maybe if you live in a retirement home in Arizona you can wear a hat like that, but if you are between the ages of 8-65 you should not wear a hat like this unless it is a joke. Anyway, Gilligan danced around for about two songs and just as I was about to decide he was Brothers From Another (which would be a great name for a solo act) two other guys jumped onstage and started rapping.

How old did I feel at this point? Pretty old. The two kids rapping were probably born last week and everyone else in the crowd was younger than them. They did their best to rhyme  and put on a show, but I am more of a traditionalist when it comes to poetry. I’d take Keats over Vanilla Ice any day. I am certain that the finer points in meter, scansion, and slant rhyme would be lost on the Brothers, but I will admit I was entertained. At one point one of the brothers had a cousin come onstage to rap a charming tune, “You ain’t gonna drink my drank for free,” or something like that. Now, whether this cousin was in fact a biological cousin or not could not be determined, but he did bring the median age of people on stage into double digits.

Brothers? On the left: short brother, on the right: tall brother, in the back: Gilligan. Not the best picture in the world, but I’ll let my words paint the picture.

The Brothers finished their set and I thought they did just fine for an opening act. One of the sad things about being an opening act in a smaller club is that when your part of the show is over there is no place to go. So for the rest of the night I saw Gilligan, short brother, and tall brother wandering around like the Israelites looking for the promised land.

Between acts I watched the man with the worst job in the world: the security guy in charge of keeping the alcohol upstairs and the minors downstairs. He had to watch a door, watch the stairs, and check every person passing by for ID. His job only got harder as the night went on. What’s worse than a self-centered 22 year-old girl in a mini-skirt? How about a self-centered 22 year-old girl in a mini-skirt who has had three umbrella drinks.

The second act was set up and ready to roll by about 10PM. These days 10PM is when I set my book down on my bedside table and go nighty-night, but for some reason I wasn’t really tired yet. Maybe it was the espresso, maybe it was because my brain was being concussed by sound waves. Act number two is still a mystery to me. There was one guy named Prometheus (I hope this is his real name and not a stage name), one guy whose name is still unknown, and then there was DJ InfraRed. The name of the group? I don’t know. After the concert my daughter tried to explain the situation to me, but it was like listening to my mom explain how I was related to some person that lives in Florida.

One of the rappers is from the group Blue Scholars and the other two guys were from other groups, so it was either a rap super group or three guys doing rap karaoke.

Rap Super Group?

These guys were good. Now I don’t know what the hell they were saying, but they had great energy, got the crowd going, and put on a show worthy of my attention post 10PM. There was one moment that confused me. Prometheus said he was going to be taking it on the road to Bremerton. Now if you are in Seattle why would you aspire to go to Bremerton? For those of you outside the Northwest I will try to make a comparison. Let’s say you are in New York City doing a rap concert and then for some reason you say, “I’m going be taking this on the road to Rochester.” Maybe I missed something, but heading to Bremerton isn’t really a move in the right direction career-wise, unless you want to get a job in the ship yard. I imagine those jobs pay well and have better hours than rap star.

The rap trio then asked for requests from the crowd, I almost always request Blue Velvet or Just a Gigolo when called upon in situations like this, but I figured DJ InfraRed probably left those albums at home, so I left it up the youngsters in the crowd to shout out requests. One young lady standing near me started yelling, “Rasheeda Jones, Rasheeda Jones…” like she was Biz Markie‘s sister. She kind of looked like Biz Markie too, except in a skirt. Anyway, the group then busted into Rasheeda Jones. Biz Markie’s sister took full credit for the song and would not shut up about it. Act two came to an end and the +21 year olds headed upstairs to get oiled up for the final act of the night: The Physics.

Between sets one of the security guys went to stand in front of the big fan near me and I don’t want to sound like a jerk, but the dude was not bathed in sweet-smelling nectar. No he smelled like hot dogs. If I smelled like hot dogs I would not stand in front of a fan, unless I was trying to entice people into a life of cannibalism. There are two ways to go when smelling like a hot dog: 1. put on a lot of Old Spice, 2. embrace your inner hot dog and rub a cut onion all over your body.

The final act took the stage around 11:15, and when I say took the stage I mean they filled the stage. The stage was not huge but I estimate there are 12,000 people in The Physics. Okay, maybe not 12,000. The number of Physics falls somewhere between MC Hammer‘s stage act and Public Enemy’s (not counting people dressed in military outfits.) To be more exact: two vocalists, two rappers, one DJ, one guy playing a keyboard, and one guy playing a guitar.

The Physics (and a few members of the crowd).

The Physics were good. I have even listened to their album Tomorrow People and liked it. The show was going along just fine until they had members of the audience join them onstage to dance around. I kept wondering if the stage could hold all that funkiness. It did, but at the end of the song, when everyone was supposed to head back to the floor, one girl stood on the stage texting while everyone else followed the rules. She just kept texting away as the guitarist tried his best to shoo her away, but she would have none of it. She then interrupted the lead rapper to take a picture. I am not a violent person, but I found myself wishing someone would attack this self-centered moron or at least take her phone and throw it into the crowd where it could be stomped on repeatedly.

The show did go on but we left before it was over. We had to catch the 12:45 ferry back home, so we did not see the end of the show. My children reported a Macklemore sighting, so I assume he hopped on stage with The Physics at some point in the evening, but I cannot report this as fact. I can say that Capitol Hill is still busy at 12:30 in the morning and I did enjoy my first rap concert.

Heading back home on the ferry. The Emerald City is just as lovely at night.

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22 Responses to “Who’s Too Old For a Rap Concert: Part 2”

  1. Ia Uaro August 30, 2012 at 2:39 pm #

    Hiya Jon, when something is entertaining, does age matter? A few kids near me have been playing Queen’s :)

  2. joey z August 31, 2012 at 12:05 pm #

    Ur review is shit man the bar and brothers were awesome… if u don’t like the local cats go See wiz kalifa or some other gangsta rapper fag !!!!!!

    • South of the Strait August 31, 2012 at 1:06 pm #

      Dear Mr. Z, I am sorry you didn’t appreciate my review. If you missed part one then you probably didn’t understand that I took my children to the concert and I am an old man who had never had much of an interest in rap. I don’t think I said the bar or the brothers were bad, I just described my confusion. Is “some other gangsta rapper fag!!!!!” the name of a group?

  3. fbaum August 31, 2012 at 4:38 pm #

    You, sir, are brilliant!

    As father to a 6-year-old, I hope to one day tackle teenagedom with such aplomb.

    • South of the Strait August 31, 2012 at 5:07 pm #

      Thanks, it was fun to write this one.

    • South of the Strait September 1, 2012 at 5:43 pm #

      I just found the Reddit link you put up, thanks. I didn’t even know such a thing existed. It certainly helped drive up my hits.

      • fbaum September 3, 2012 at 10:09 am #

        Totally. I shared it because I’m into all-ages events, and about people understanding other scenes & experiences. Sorry about the assholes, it seems to come with the territory. I’m just glad that the majority seems to agree that this is cool (or at least entertaining!) I like how you showed up to correct some fools!

  4. Lee August 31, 2012 at 5:02 pm #

    Fun read!

    Extra tidbits: Prometheus Brown (unfortunately, it’s a stage name) is part of the group Blue Scholars (minus the extra S). And he does reference Bremerton every once in a while because he was originally from there; graduated from Olympic High School in ’97. Source: I graduated there in ’99. haha

    Glad you had a good time at the show!

    • South of the Strait August 31, 2012 at 5:12 pm #

      Thanks for the information. My wife is a Bremerton grad also. The Bremerton shout out makes sense now. I should probably do a little background research but then I would actually know what I was talking about.

  5. Raindawgs4ever August 31, 2012 at 5:09 pm #

    Loved the piece! Nice to see someone from the outside world documenting the mind boggling things i see here every day! The oblivious girl texting on stage after everyone’s been told to leave the stage. Priceless! Welcome to Seattle!
    As a bremertonian in seattle who longs to go back to Bremerton, i would paraphrase Tom Robbins on living in La Conner: i wanted to live somewhere that was nowhere and would remain so for the indeterminate future. (i guess rap musicians get stressed out too.)
    Great piece, thank you!

  6. Anonymous August 31, 2012 at 8:00 pm #

    I liked the part where you were a cynical asshole.

  7. greg August 31, 2012 at 8:01 pm #

    I liked the part where you were a cynical asshole

  8. Anonymous August 31, 2012 at 9:30 pm #

    cool blog story, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this from your perspective. I could only imagine what it must’ve felt like. Your writing style is palpable! Kudos bro

  9. Anonymous September 2, 2012 at 12:13 am #

    bailey and heidi here- we cracked up this is great! Your responses to the responses are awsome too. Please go to another rap concert, and write more. Emma and Dylan are very lucky!

    • South of the Strait September 2, 2012 at 2:44 am #

      Thanks. I don’t know how many more concerts my old ears can take.

  10. haggardy September 13, 2012 at 12:24 pm #

    you should be the official seattle rapper reviewer

    • South of the Strait September 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm #

      Thanks, I’ll stick with unofficial Seattle rap reviewer for now.

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